| |
| You've
been Down Too Long When ... (Compiled thru the years) |
 |
 |
You blast doors open - not
bump into them. |
|
Play multiplayer internet
Descent on KALI without cheating. |
|
You circle rooms and round
corners with slides without thinking. |
|
You can switch weapon loads
in less than a second -- primaries and secondary weapons
included. |
|
You analyze how to spatially
confuse opponents with your movement. |
|
 |
On levels you know well, you
can locate opponents by gaps between when you hear doors
opening. |
|
You play on difficulty "insane"
with the "buggin" cheat on and no others. |
|
You can control two
games at once on two different machines, with dedicated
strafes on both, and look at least as good as a newbie in
both games. |
|
Ed McMahon shows up at your
door with the Publishers Clearing House million dollar check,
and the only thing you can say is "cool...but where's Descent
2, dude?!?!? (of course, the million's nice too) |
|
When you see how far you can
send a newbie into the negatives. |
|
|
When you use the D2 trailer
as a screen saver. |
|
When you add to a TRUE DESCENT
PLAYERS... list instead of studying for a final the next
day. |
|
When you buy a skinny puppy
CD just to see what future descent music will be like. |
|
When you win without cheating
on insane for the 30th time so you can say you beat the
game on the hardest level for as many levels as there are. |
|
When you try to make levels
like you saw in the trailer. |
|
|
When you have to clean up
all your drool after you hear the words "D2 shareware is
on www.interplay.com NOW!" |
|
When you bug the programmers
with stupid suggestions that they've probably already thought
of before D1 shareware was released. |
|
True Descent players in multiplayer
deathmatch wait on launching a mega until they have 2-3
players in one area to go for that multiple kill with one
shot. |
|
Also, true Descent players
are rarely _hit_ by megas (too easy to dodge) and destory
the smart missle plasma before it destroys them. |
|
When you feel funny changing
lanes in their cars without using a slide key. |
|
|
When you use the Vulcan Cannon
just to see your opponent jitter in his tracks. |
|
When you can't focus your
eyes on a sheet of paper 1 foot away after 10 hours of "360
degree 3D action!" |
|
Ugh, when you close your eyes
and you get visual flashbacks of mine shafts. |
|
When you start gathering scrap
metal to make your car look like a Pyro GX. |
|
When you circle-strafe a deer
during a hunting trip. |
|
|
When you throw things at doors
(real world) to open them. |
|
When standing in the shower
you visualize your energy level rising. |
|
When you post to the "101
things to do with an AOL diskette" thread with a Descent
related suggestion. |
|
When you win the lotto and
the first thing you think of is ISDN, and the second thing
is a set of 3-D shutter glasses. |
|
When you spend valuable time
posting to a whacked-out thread in alt.games.descent. |
|
|
When you get so angry at your
co-workers while playing networked Descent late at night
that you throw a cup of boiling hot coffee at them, the
logic behind this being that the coffee will splatter when
the cup hits, generating a smart missile-like effect. |
|
When you use Descent sounds
for your Windows events. |
|
When the announcement comes,
you're fighting to get into an ftp site against all the
other hardcore players like an old lady at the Sunday Macy's
underwear sale. |
|
When the first thing you do
when you log into the Internet is go to alt.games.descent
to read new messages--even before you check your mailbox. |
|
When you start critiquing
(sp?) the flying style of the Descent 2 demo. |
|
|
When, while driving your car,
you begin to run over discarded retreads and old engine
parts in a vain attempt to upgrade your vehicle. |
|
If, after reading that Descent
won PC Magazine's game of the year award, you got up and
did a little dance, then logged onto KALI to celebrate. |
|
If you can no longer play
games like TIE Fighter and Wing Commander comfortably... |
|
When you don't even think
about conserving ammo. When you hit every time, you don't
have to worry about it. |
|
When you take a directory
listing for alt.games.descent first thing... looking for
postings from Mike Kulas, Adam Pletcher or Robert Berzins
to get the jump on everybody who will be trying to ftp the
demo at once. |
|
|
When you have descent.exe
in your autoexec.bat file. |
|
When you finished the D2 demo
the day it came out. |
|
When you upgrade your hardware
solely for the purpose of playing Descent. |
|
When you have trouble playing
Doom because it's too hard to get used to the 2-D environment
(no, really, I get disoriented in Doom). |
|
When you blackmail the computer
geek down the hall to stay logged to www.interplay.com until
D2 comes out, then download it from a DIRECT internet backbone
lead at a few Megs per seconds and installing it on your
computer in which you are beating D1 in front of for the
100th time. |
|
|
When you can navigate the
new D2 levels with all the lights out and still not hit
the walls. |
|
When you install Linux, Xwindows,
and DOSEmu so they can be on #descent, read alt.games.descent,
and play the D2demo simultaneously. |
|
When you find a good hiding
spot and are willing to give your life so as to conceal
the location of these weapons. |
|
When you find these weapons
first so others can't use them. |
|
When you copy the D2demo to
diskettes and give them as Christmas gifts and stocking
stuffers. |
|
|
When you uses flares to confuse
opponents into thinking you're going one way and then ambush
them from behind. |
|
When you can tell where an
opponent is coming from even if they just push open a door. |
|
When you use flares to open
doors because your so damn good that you don't care if someone
spots you because you'll just blow them away. |
|
When you can recite all the
robots, including their weapons and point values from heart. |
|
When you don't know what any
of the robots are like, since you never play single-player
mode. |
|
|
When you always fly in at
least two directions at once, 'cause two (or three) thrust
vectors are faster than just one. |
|
When you know that chair motion
really DOES help win a battle.. |
|
When you can defeat any level
with the display turned off. The stereo sound effects are
enough to navigate and fight with. |
|
When you have bothered to
think about '360 degrees of freedom' and realized that that's
a flat circle, like DOOM. DESCENT offers an entire sphere
to move within. |
|
When you are practicing bank
shots in pool to prepare for the Pheonix cannon. |
|
|
When you have already learned
to use reflective shots to shoot around at least two corners
at once. (quads can do more but its really tricky.) |
|
When you never stop complaining
that the multiplayer score display never seems to resolve
ties correctly. |
|
When you waste vaulable online
time thinking up these things. |
|
When you let other people
find the big weapons, kill them, and then rummage through
their debris. |
|
When you leave the debris
scattered with proximity bombs for people without a clue. |
|
|
When you grab cloaking devices
just so you can get a close-up view of the mechs in their
natural habitat (ever seen a homing missile jerk fold down
his head?). |
|
When you go to the zoo, you
end up embarassing yourself in front of the elephant cage
because you thought you were about to take some hits from
a vulcan cannon. |
|
When you no longer stay near
walls when dogfighting, as the backblast from a missile
casues damage. |
|
When you can consitently dodge
incomming homing projectiles. (including mega missiles) |
|
|
When you learn how to use
Devil to make your own levels. |
|
When you can recognise most
levels other people are playing while watching over their
shoulder. |
|
When you can explain to someone
where the exits to the secret levels are without having
to start descent. |
|
When you can use combination
slides and turns to keep an opponent in sight (and under
fire) without thinking about it. |
|
When you can fly levels as
well upside down as right side up. |
|
|
When you look where you are
flying instead of sliding down vertical tubes. (You never
know what's down there in mutli-player). |
|
When you know that once down
to 10 shield, you cannot lose any more just running into
walls. |
|
When you rarely run into walls,
or get trapped in a corner. |
|
When you can usually pick
the exact location of a cloaked robot or opponent. |
|
When you have finished level
7 on version 1.0 (the tough boss before he was weakened
in 1.4a) not losing a ship. |
|
|
When you kill people by hitting
them with the smart missile dead-on, not using the green
tracking balls... |
|
When you collect all the megas,
but don't use them because they're too easy, and then no
one else can get them... |
|
When you only use the fusion
because you actually have to aim with it instead of spraying
the room with plasma... |
|
When you fight with flares...not
those wimpy lasers. (Actually, I've had a few local flare
wars....) |
|
When you only use proximity
bombs. None of those wimpy projectile weapons. |
|
|
When you fight the robots
by bumping into them - and you use only the rear view to
navigate. |
|
When you don't use any stupid
throttle keys - just megamissiles - for propulsion. |
|
When you can use what ever
you have to kill anything, even level 1 twin lasers, and
RAM your way to an energy charger. |
|
When your downstairs neighbor
is vaccum-cleaning, and you (not playing D2 at the time)
look around for the thief-bot. |
|
When you STOP playing Descent,
but swear that the music is still coming out of the speakers
of your PC! |
|
|
When you wake up during the
night to take a leak, and then can't fall back to sleep
because you keep seeing 'bots coming at you when you close
your eyes! |
|
When you're editing a word
processing document, and your brain starts wondering what's
below the bottom line if you tip the viewer down (e.g. push
your joystick forward)! |
|
When you leave the Guide-Bot
in his cell cause you think he just gets in the way. |
|
When you pop the Descent II
CD in your CD-ROM at the same timeyou turn on your computer. |
|
Or better yet when you never take the
Descent II CD out of your computer. |
| |
|
|
When you long for
the ramming power of a Pyro-Gx when youre stuck in a traffic
jam. |
|
Even if he hasn't
stolen anything of yours, you chase the Theif-bot into the
bowels of the level, ignoring all other bots. |
|
You can get the
bots in a crossfire so they kill each other. |
|
Even when walking
around your house you get 2D disorientation. |
|
ADD your 2 cents HERE! |
!
